i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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