come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
