this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
