I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
