he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
