Cold hands, warm shart.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
