Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
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