Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
