so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
