And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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