What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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