please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
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