I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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