chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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