hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
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