normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
