and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
