Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize
