It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
