And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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