her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
