Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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