I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
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