Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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