Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
