i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Randomize
