Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
