I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
