I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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