Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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