Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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