I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Randomize
