this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
a search helicopter?!
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
