Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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