We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
