Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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