$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
