His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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