At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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