You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
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a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
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