proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
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My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
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It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
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