I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
bring money and cleavage
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
