i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
