Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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