i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
