I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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