my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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