If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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