i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
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I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
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The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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