I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
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i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
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