Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
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You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
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my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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