Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
