I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
