She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
