Taylor Swift is so right about you.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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