If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
