Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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