He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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