I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
