he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
