Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
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