I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
40s are totally the cure
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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