hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
