laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
