no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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