And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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