Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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