i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
It's Friday. Sex?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
