My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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