My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
