why didn't you poke me back
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Randomize
