i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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