Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
